Sometimes, once in awhile

Sometimes I'm really not as brave and confident as I pretend to be.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I'm really, really just need to be told that it's alright.
Once in awhile, I let everything I keep buried surface, and it turns me into this crazy depressed person that gets cranky and mean because it's really hard to handle all of that crazy without throwing it at somebody.
Once in awhile, I'm really scared.
Sometimes I wish I could scream and cry all these thoughts in my head and make them go away.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to put on my face every day because I've stupidly put myself in place and life where people actually depend on me.
Once in awhile, I really want people to figure these things out on their own.
Once in awhile, I really want figure these things out on my own. It infuriates me that I can't.
Sometimes I want to just shrink away from everything because I don't feel like I can handle it all.
Sometimes I wonder how I got where I am now.
Once in awhile, I need a hug.
Once in awhile, I regret everything.
Sometimes I'm scared of myself.
Sometimes I'm scared of everyone else.
Once in awhile, I just want to run away from everything.
Once in awhile, I need a clean slate because I feel like everything just so dirty.

I'll always deny it.

Carpe Mortem

My mind grips at insubstantial notions.
It has memories that have never been experienced.
It knows people it has never met.
It spins these tales that linger within the confines of my mind, refusing to leave.
Distinguishing fantasy from reality becomes an ever burdensome task... right?
I've always thought that life should be as I want it to be. That's selfish.
Do I think that's selfish, or do the morals that I've been infused with believe that?
We do good things because we're told to? We do good things because they're good? We do good things because we receive psychological satisfaction from them?
Who am I to judge?
I'm the master of my goddamned universe, that's who. Who are YOU to judge ME?
For all I know, you could all be parts of my imagination, dancing to a tune you can't hear, doing my bidding without me even knowing it.
I hate people and I love people and I really wish everyone would just disappear but then I'd be very lonesome. Very lonesome indeed.
Impasse.
Stretch pass.
Password.
Word games.

Figure it out. If there's anything to figure out.