Today's post will be preceded by a disclaimer. There are people in the world who are insulted too easy and therefore I'll just say that this isn't directed at any one person or group and any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental. So do try to keep your butt unhurt.
Throughout my life I've heard phrases like "Blood is thicker than water" and "Family is all you've got" and every interpretation in between. I've spent countless hours wondering about how much truth those phrases hold. I ask myself questions about family and friends and the qualities of each. I ask myself what I look for in friends and what I wish my family was. I know wishing doesn't change anything, but there were countless times I've sat on the bus and pondered about it.
I would often find myself imagining what life may have been like had I been lucky enough to have real parents or even to have been raised by the ones I was stuck with. I'd wondered if maybe I was suffering more at the hands of my grandmother than my (then thought of) deadbeat parents. I had people in my life who I wish were my parents; friends' parents, aunt or uncles, and even some teachers. There was a lot of regret in my life even though none of it had been my fault. But I digress...
Sauntering back to the original question, I've wondered lately about whether someone's blood family are truly closer to them than the people we choose to associate with-- Our friends. Friends are people we've either grown up with, or had a common cause with, or simply clicked at any point. Their ages can range to far younger to far older. They're people we've chosen to be around, people whose company we genuinely enjoy. What makes their bonds any weaker than the ones of the so-called family we're born into. None of us asked to be a part of the dysfunction that most families suffer from, and most of us can honestly say that we don't even like many of our family members, nuclear or extended.
Yet we are told over and over again that our families are the most important people in our lives, that they're the ones who are there when you really need them, or that you'll only find a small handful of true friends but you'll always have your family. I've never really believed any of that. I spent most of my adolescent and adult life avoiding my family. The drama that circulates amongst relatives is truly the bloodiest of all. I'm not saying that friendships don't have their fair share, but that we are far quicker to forgive our friends... most of the time. Why is that? I believe one word can answer that: Expectations.
Family members, no matter how distant, have expectations of each other. How to behave, how to dress, how to speak, eat, sing, dance, learn, think, listen, and any number of other aspects of who we are. Just because they share the same blood as we do, our relatives expect us to conform to the ones who came before us. They expect us to do things they were doing. They demand that we follow the paths they didn't have the courage ability to. They've either failed at their lives and think they know how to keep us from doing the same, or they've had so much success that they believe they know better than we do in our lives.
On the other hand, our friends have already accepted who we are. In fact, they're really only talking to us because they like what they see(Unless there's politics involved where we talk to people we really don't like and yeah), because we exhibit some quality that they like or again, we just click. The only thing our friends expect from us is to be the best people we can be. Friends support us in our endeavors no matter how stupid they are even when --or especially because-- they know we're going to fail. They'll follow us through the jaws of hell not because we share a stupid phial of blood, but perhaps in spite of it.
My friends are my backups, my stand ins, my escape plans, my shoulders and my best hugs. They're the ones I'd take a bullet for and the ones I'd spend my last penny on. My friends are the reason I am who I am and they're the reason I'll continue to grow into the person I'll be next week, next month, and for the rest of my life. My friends give me purpose and they give me reason. They've succeeded where most who share my blood have failed. And for that I thank every single one of them.
I love you all.
<3333333333
- Hoody out
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
It's so big!(That's what she said)
To anyone who may have been waiting for me to actually update this, I must apologize. I'd meant to make this a weekly or twice weekly thing, but I've been distracted by a little game called Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. By distracted I do mean that it's pretty much taken all of my waking time when I've not been otherwise busy with real world activities.
For those of you who live under a rock and aren't familiar with the game, Skyrim, I'll give a little information without giving away anything spoilers. In the beginning, you're given a chance to create your character from a blank slate. Everything right down to your appearance is up to you. You can be a magician, a warrior-tanky-soaky-meat-shield-guy, a stabby-stabby thiefy type, or a combination of all three. In terms of customization, it really gives you an amazing template to work with. Anyone who knows and loves the word "hybrid" will thoroughly enjoy themselves.
But the most amazing aspect of this game, in my eyes, is the sheer enormity of the "world". When I say it is massive, I truly mean it. You're in a little piece of the bigger world called Skyrim. It's an impressive piece of northern real estate divided between 9 major holds. You could spend hours simply running around admiring the amount of artistic detail that's gone into just showing us what Skyrim looks like; and I have. But it got me thinking about something that has stuck in my head these past days. The world is really big, isn't it?
The answer is no. The world is absolutely minuscule in a cosmic sense. We're a tiny blue planet in a universe the size of which is difficult to comprehend. But like we should with many things, let's scale the world down to a size we can wrap our heads around. I'll give you a minute to get there while I talk about something else.
Has anyone tried those Oreo Klondikes? They're really freakin' good. I'm not sure they taste like Oreos, but damn. Not that I should be eating those sugar doom blocks to begin with. Bad Hoody, bad!
Are you there yet? Good. So our world, you see, is really huge too. I don't believe many people think about it anymore. We're spoiled by cars, trains, airplanes, even bikes give us quite a bit of mobility. Our perspective of the world shrinks as we realize we have the means to travel almost anywhere in the blink of an eye. But remember when you were a kid, and this world was truly, honest to goodness big? Walking up the street was a big deal because it was so far away, and holy crap a trip to the mall?! THE MALL IS LIKE A FIFTEEN MINUTE DRIVE AWAY. WOW! Yeah, that feeling.
Do you let yourself get swept up in that sense of wonderment anymore? Most of us don't, at least not for long enough to matter. Take a walk through the woods. Sit at the top of a hill and stare up at the sky. Hell, just pay attention to how far you're actually driving when you take a trip to the grocery store. You're a walking paradox, humans. You can be so big while being so, so small. Remember yourself when you were so young and the world was so big and you'll realize how far you've come in your life and how far you have to go. Get some perspective.
Oh, and that big world we live in? It's getting kind of trashy. Look behind you. See that pile of Mountain Dew bottles in the corner of your world? Stop treating the world like your room. Clean it up. Go hug a goddamn tree and commune with nature or something.
Oh, and go get a job you tree-hugging hippies.
Yes, small update is small. Deal with it.
Hoody out.
For those of you who live under a rock and aren't familiar with the game, Skyrim, I'll give a little information without giving away anything spoilers. In the beginning, you're given a chance to create your character from a blank slate. Everything right down to your appearance is up to you. You can be a magician, a warrior-tanky-soaky-meat-shield-guy, a stabby-stabby thiefy type, or a combination of all three. In terms of customization, it really gives you an amazing template to work with. Anyone who knows and loves the word "hybrid" will thoroughly enjoy themselves.
But the most amazing aspect of this game, in my eyes, is the sheer enormity of the "world". When I say it is massive, I truly mean it. You're in a little piece of the bigger world called Skyrim. It's an impressive piece of northern real estate divided between 9 major holds. You could spend hours simply running around admiring the amount of artistic detail that's gone into just showing us what Skyrim looks like; and I have. But it got me thinking about something that has stuck in my head these past days. The world is really big, isn't it?
The answer is no. The world is absolutely minuscule in a cosmic sense. We're a tiny blue planet in a universe the size of which is difficult to comprehend. But like we should with many things, let's scale the world down to a size we can wrap our heads around. I'll give you a minute to get there while I talk about something else.
Has anyone tried those Oreo Klondikes? They're really freakin' good. I'm not sure they taste like Oreos, but damn. Not that I should be eating those sugar doom blocks to begin with. Bad Hoody, bad!
Are you there yet? Good. So our world, you see, is really huge too. I don't believe many people think about it anymore. We're spoiled by cars, trains, airplanes, even bikes give us quite a bit of mobility. Our perspective of the world shrinks as we realize we have the means to travel almost anywhere in the blink of an eye. But remember when you were a kid, and this world was truly, honest to goodness big? Walking up the street was a big deal because it was so far away, and holy crap a trip to the mall?! THE MALL IS LIKE A FIFTEEN MINUTE DRIVE AWAY. WOW! Yeah, that feeling.
Do you let yourself get swept up in that sense of wonderment anymore? Most of us don't, at least not for long enough to matter. Take a walk through the woods. Sit at the top of a hill and stare up at the sky. Hell, just pay attention to how far you're actually driving when you take a trip to the grocery store. You're a walking paradox, humans. You can be so big while being so, so small. Remember yourself when you were so young and the world was so big and you'll realize how far you've come in your life and how far you have to go. Get some perspective.
Oh, and that big world we live in? It's getting kind of trashy. Look behind you. See that pile of Mountain Dew bottles in the corner of your world? Stop treating the world like your room. Clean it up. Go hug a goddamn tree and commune with nature or something.
Oh, and go get a job you tree-hugging hippies.
Yes, small update is small. Deal with it.
Hoody out.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Future Soon
This song is "The Future Soon" by Jonathan Coulton. If you already know this song, skip ahead. If you don't, go ahead and at least give it a once over. It's relevant to today's reading.
"Last week I left a note on Laura's desk
It said I love you, signed, anonymous friend
Turns out she's smarter than I thought she was
She knows I wrote it, now the whole class does too
And I'm all alone during couple skate
When she skates by with some guy on her arm
But I know that I'll forget the look of pity in her face
When I'm living in my solar dome on a platform in space
'Cause it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already here
I'll probably be some kind of scientist
Building inventions in my space lab in space
I'll end world hunger, I'll make dolphins speak
Work through the daytime, spend my nights and weekends
Perfecting my warrior robot race
Building them one laser gun at a time
I will do my best to teach them
About life and what it's worth
I just hope that I can keep them from destroying the Earth
'Cause it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already
Here on Earth they'll wonder
As I piece by piece replace myself
And the steel and circuits will make me whole
But I'll still feel so alone
Until Laura calls me home
I'll see her standing by the monorail
She'll look the same except for bionic eyes
She lost the real ones in the robot wars
I'll say I'm sorry, she'll say it's not your fault
Or is it?
She'll eye me suspiciously
Hearing the whir of the servos inside
And she'll scream and try to run
But there's nowhere she can hide
When a crazy cyborg wants to make you his robot bride
Well it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already here"
Summed up, the song is about a geek who tries to do everything to get the girl he loves/is obsessed with. He fails, so he's daydreaming the day when his talents are honed to a point where he can get the girl. Although he goes about it rather strangely, he's got the right idea.
Over the past few years, I've met a lot of people. Some of these relationships have been good. I've met many "life-long" friends and have had experiences both online and in the real world that have been mutually beneficial for everyone involved. We've laughed, we've cried, we've eaten sushi and pasta and have had great conversations.
There have also been a lot of less than amazing relationships. Unfortunately, being a friendly person has it's negative side. I've met people who have a less than awesome effect on my life and the lives of those around me. I either get in trouble over something that that may or may not be hilarious and/or heart-ache-worthy, or sometimes I simply befriended the wrong person that set off a chain of events that left my life overall in shambles.
There's one thing that is most common amongst all those I've met. It's something we've all been guilty of, but never quite to the extent that I've seen in recent years. It's "always this ridiculous obsession with love!" Now don't get me wrong, "love is a many-splendored thing!" It's awesome. I speak as someone who's been in love, and been out of love, and been back in love. It's definitely preferable to being alone, but it is not the end-all be-all of your life.
There are people I've met who have obsessed with love. Not anyone's love in particular, but just the idea of being in love. It always makes me question why. When I was younger, I had self-esteem issues and simply wanted someone to love me. I went online for that and quite frequently found it. After awhile I realized I was more awesome than I had originally thought. That knowledge helped me accept myself and in the end I didn't need anyone's love or approval except my own. And then Kelly happened along. But that's a story for another day.
Even the obsession with love isn't quite as bad as not loving yourself. There are people who are convinced that they are the worst human beings and are overall worthless simply because they do not have a significant other. Nobody, I repeat, nobody is going to love you until you love yourself. Until then, you're just a ball of self-pity wallowing in a stew of... bad feelings. Okay, so my vocabulary crapped out there. Big whoop wanna fight about it? Okay, sorry. Moving on. When I was that wallowing ball, nobody wanted me. I didn't have many friends because I didn't believe I was worth anymore than I had. Looking back, I know I was wrong. I simply wrapped myself in an ugly sauce and that's all anybody had the chance to see. No wonder high school sucked, right? The things we figure out as life goes on.
To anyone reading this who has this problem, just chill out. As the kids or blacks or black kids or white kids who wanna be black kids say, "Do you." Seriously, do you. Focus on yourself. If there's something wrong with you, fix it. If you need help, ask for it. If you want to attract someone, pour honey on your head. BEES. WILL. COME. For seriouslies, my friends. You are awesome. You're the main character of the video game, you're the hero of your story, you're the lead singer in your band, and you're the only person who can stop you from being the most charismatic motherfucker in the whole damn world.
Hoody out.
"Last week I left a note on Laura's desk
It said I love you, signed, anonymous friend
Turns out she's smarter than I thought she was
She knows I wrote it, now the whole class does too
And I'm all alone during couple skate
When she skates by with some guy on her arm
But I know that I'll forget the look of pity in her face
When I'm living in my solar dome on a platform in space
'Cause it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already here
I'll probably be some kind of scientist
Building inventions in my space lab in space
I'll end world hunger, I'll make dolphins speak
Work through the daytime, spend my nights and weekends
Perfecting my warrior robot race
Building them one laser gun at a time
I will do my best to teach them
About life and what it's worth
I just hope that I can keep them from destroying the Earth
'Cause it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already
Here on Earth they'll wonder
As I piece by piece replace myself
And the steel and circuits will make me whole
But I'll still feel so alone
Until Laura calls me home
I'll see her standing by the monorail
She'll look the same except for bionic eyes
She lost the real ones in the robot wars
I'll say I'm sorry, she'll say it's not your fault
Or is it?
She'll eye me suspiciously
Hearing the whir of the servos inside
And she'll scream and try to run
But there's nowhere she can hide
When a crazy cyborg wants to make you his robot bride
Well it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already here"
Summed up, the song is about a geek who tries to do everything to get the girl he loves/is obsessed with. He fails, so he's daydreaming the day when his talents are honed to a point where he can get the girl. Although he goes about it rather strangely, he's got the right idea.
Over the past few years, I've met a lot of people. Some of these relationships have been good. I've met many "life-long" friends and have had experiences both online and in the real world that have been mutually beneficial for everyone involved. We've laughed, we've cried, we've eaten sushi and pasta and have had great conversations.
There have also been a lot of less than amazing relationships. Unfortunately, being a friendly person has it's negative side. I've met people who have a less than awesome effect on my life and the lives of those around me. I either get in trouble over something that that may or may not be hilarious and/or heart-ache-worthy, or sometimes I simply befriended the wrong person that set off a chain of events that left my life overall in shambles.
There's one thing that is most common amongst all those I've met. It's something we've all been guilty of, but never quite to the extent that I've seen in recent years. It's "always this ridiculous obsession with love!" Now don't get me wrong, "love is a many-splendored thing!" It's awesome. I speak as someone who's been in love, and been out of love, and been back in love. It's definitely preferable to being alone, but it is not the end-all be-all of your life.
There are people I've met who have obsessed with love. Not anyone's love in particular, but just the idea of being in love. It always makes me question why. When I was younger, I had self-esteem issues and simply wanted someone to love me. I went online for that and quite frequently found it. After awhile I realized I was more awesome than I had originally thought. That knowledge helped me accept myself and in the end I didn't need anyone's love or approval except my own. And then Kelly happened along. But that's a story for another day.
Even the obsession with love isn't quite as bad as not loving yourself. There are people who are convinced that they are the worst human beings and are overall worthless simply because they do not have a significant other. Nobody, I repeat, nobody is going to love you until you love yourself. Until then, you're just a ball of self-pity wallowing in a stew of... bad feelings. Okay, so my vocabulary crapped out there. Big whoop wanna fight about it? Okay, sorry. Moving on. When I was that wallowing ball, nobody wanted me. I didn't have many friends because I didn't believe I was worth anymore than I had. Looking back, I know I was wrong. I simply wrapped myself in an ugly sauce and that's all anybody had the chance to see. No wonder high school sucked, right? The things we figure out as life goes on.
To anyone reading this who has this problem, just chill out. As the kids or blacks or black kids or white kids who wanna be black kids say, "Do you." Seriously, do you. Focus on yourself. If there's something wrong with you, fix it. If you need help, ask for it. If you want to attract someone, pour honey on your head. BEES. WILL. COME. For seriouslies, my friends. You are awesome. You're the main character of the video game, you're the hero of your story, you're the lead singer in your band, and you're the only person who can stop you from being the most charismatic motherfucker in the whole damn world.
Hoody out.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
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