It's so big!(That's what she said)

To anyone who may have been waiting for me to actually update this, I must apologize. I'd meant to make this a weekly or twice weekly thing, but I've been distracted by a little game called Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. By distracted I do mean that it's pretty much taken all of my waking time when I've not been otherwise busy with real world activities.

For those of you who live under a rock and aren't familiar with the game, Skyrim, I'll give a little information without giving away anything spoilers. In the beginning, you're given a chance to create your character from a blank slate. Everything right down to your appearance is up to you. You can be a magician, a warrior-tanky-soaky-meat-shield-guy, a stabby-stabby thiefy type, or a combination of all three. In terms of customization, it really gives you an amazing template to work with. Anyone who knows and loves the word "hybrid" will thoroughly enjoy themselves.

But the most amazing aspect of this game, in my eyes, is the sheer enormity of the "world". When I say it is massive, I truly mean it. You're in a little piece of the bigger world called Skyrim. It's an impressive piece of northern real estate divided between 9 major holds. You could spend hours simply running around admiring the amount of artistic detail that's gone into just showing us what Skyrim looks like; and I have. But it got me thinking about something that has stuck in my head these past days. The world is really big, isn't it?

The answer is no. The world is absolutely minuscule in a cosmic sense. We're a tiny blue planet in a universe the size of which is difficult to comprehend. But like we should with many things, let's scale the world down to a size we can wrap our heads around. I'll give you a minute to get there while I talk about something else.

Has anyone tried those Oreo Klondikes? They're really freakin' good. I'm not sure they taste like Oreos, but damn. Not that I should be eating those sugar doom blocks to begin with. Bad Hoody, bad!

Are you there yet? Good. So our world, you see, is really huge too. I don't believe many people think about it anymore. We're spoiled by cars, trains, airplanes, even bikes give us quite a bit of mobility. Our perspective of the world shrinks as we realize we have the means to travel almost anywhere in the blink of an eye. But remember when you were a kid, and this world was truly, honest to goodness big? Walking up the street was a big deal because it was so far away, and holy crap a trip to the mall?! THE MALL IS LIKE A FIFTEEN MINUTE DRIVE AWAY. WOW! Yeah, that feeling.

Do you let yourself get swept up in that sense of wonderment anymore? Most of us don't, at least not for long enough to matter. Take a walk through the woods. Sit at the top of a hill and stare up at the sky. Hell, just pay attention to how far you're actually driving when you take a trip to the grocery store. You're a walking paradox, humans. You can be so big while being so, so small. Remember yourself when you were so young and the world was so big and you'll realize how far you've come in your life and how far you have to go. Get some perspective.

Oh, and that big world we live in? It's getting kind of trashy. Look behind you. See that pile of Mountain Dew bottles in the corner of your world? Stop treating the world like your room. Clean it up. Go hug a goddamn tree and commune with nature or something.

Oh, and go get a job you tree-hugging hippies.

Yes, small update is small. Deal with it.

Hoody out.

The Future Soon

This song is "The Future Soon" by Jonathan Coulton. If you already know this song, skip ahead. If you don't, go ahead and at least give it a once over. It's relevant to today's reading.

"Last week I left a note on Laura's desk
It said I love you, signed, anonymous friend
Turns out she's smarter than I thought she was
She knows I wrote it, now the whole class does too
And I'm all alone during couple skate
When she skates by with some guy on her arm
But I know that I'll forget the look of pity in her face
When I'm living in my solar dome on a platform in space

'Cause it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already here

I'll probably be some kind of scientist
Building inventions in my space lab in space
I'll end world hunger, I'll make dolphins speak
Work through the daytime, spend my nights and weekends
Perfecting my warrior robot race
Building them one laser gun at a time
I will do my best to teach them
About life and what it's worth
I just hope that I can keep them from destroying the Earth

'Cause it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already

Here on Earth they'll wonder
As I piece by piece replace myself
And the steel and circuits will make me whole
But I'll still feel so alone
Until Laura calls me home

I'll see her standing by the monorail
She'll look the same except for bionic eyes
She lost the real ones in the robot wars
I'll say I'm sorry, she'll say it's not your fault
Or is it?
She'll eye me suspiciously
Hearing the whir of the servos inside
And she'll scream and try to run
But there's nowhere she can hide
When a crazy cyborg wants to make you his robot bride

Well it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already here"

Summed up, the song is about a geek who tries to do everything to get the girl he loves/is obsessed with. He fails, so he's daydreaming the day when his talents are honed to a point where he can get the girl. Although he goes about it rather strangely, he's got the right idea.

Over the past few years, I've met a lot of people. Some of these relationships have been good. I've met many "life-long" friends and have had experiences both online and in the real world that have been mutually beneficial for everyone involved. We've laughed, we've cried, we've eaten sushi and pasta and have had great conversations.

There have also been a lot of less than amazing relationships. Unfortunately, being a friendly person has it's negative side. I've met people who have a less than awesome effect on my life and the lives of those around me. I either get in trouble over something that that may or may not be hilarious and/or heart-ache-worthy, or sometimes I simply befriended the wrong person that set off a chain of events that left my life overall in shambles.

There's one thing that is most common amongst all those I've met. It's something we've all been guilty of, but never quite to the extent that I've seen in recent years. It's "always this ridiculous obsession with love!" Now don't get me wrong, "love is a many-splendored thing!" It's awesome. I speak as someone who's been in love, and been out of love, and been back in love. It's definitely preferable to being alone, but it is not the end-all be-all of your life.

There are people I've met who have obsessed with love. Not anyone's love in particular, but just the idea of being in love. It always makes me question why. When I was younger, I had self-esteem issues and simply wanted someone to love me. I went online for that and quite frequently found it. After awhile I realized I was more awesome than I had originally thought. That knowledge helped me accept myself and in the end I didn't need anyone's love or approval except my own. And then Kelly happened along. But that's a story for another day.

Even the obsession with love isn't quite as bad as not loving yourself. There are people who are convinced that they are the worst human beings and are overall worthless simply because they do not have a significant other. Nobody, I repeat, nobody is going to love you until you love yourself. Until then, you're just a ball of self-pity wallowing in a stew of... bad feelings. Okay, so my vocabulary crapped out there. Big whoop wanna fight about it? Okay, sorry. Moving on. When I was that wallowing ball, nobody wanted me. I didn't have many friends because I didn't believe I was worth anymore than I had. Looking back, I know I was wrong. I simply wrapped myself in an ugly sauce and that's all anybody had the chance to see. No wonder high school sucked, right? The things we figure out as life goes on.

To anyone reading this who has this problem, just chill out. As the kids or blacks or black kids or white kids who wanna be black kids say, "Do you." Seriously, do you. Focus on yourself. If there's something wrong with you, fix it. If you need help, ask for it. If you want to attract someone, pour honey on your head. BEES. WILL. COME. For seriouslies, my friends. You are awesome. You're the main character of the video game, you're the hero of your story, you're the lead singer in your band, and you're the only person who can stop you from being the most charismatic motherfucker in the whole damn world.

Hoody out.