It can... learn?

Before I start, don't lecture me for not updating this often. I only write when the mood strikes me or I have something to say. That being said, if you're actually eager to read what I've jotted down, then I've got some bad news for you...

Anyway, it's been an interesting year. I've had quite a number of experiences, revelations, conversations and fights and good/bad times. I've talked to a LOT of people and I've done a lot of thinking about my own life and the lives of those around me. This is where I point out that I'm not a 12 year old girl turning into a woman.

I think I might be growing up.

Terrifying though it may be, it was actually an interesting transition. Yes, I have less patience now. I think it's because I've finally realized that I do way too many for way too many people with way too little thanks/love for it. That hasn't, nor will it, stopped me from continuing to do the things that I do. In fact, it's kind of made me more persistent in my endeavors to stay myself. I've redoubled my efforts and made a few changes.

One of these things is the realization that the only paths that have ever worked for me are the ones I make myself. I've lost a lot of years in my young life trying to do things in the way others have. Not because I've wanted to fit in. Oh no, never ever that. But it's simply been because I either haven't had the means to try another way or I wasn't aware that another way existed. A wise man told me a long time ago that I marched to the beat of my own drum. I always thought it was his way of calling me strange. Don't get me wrong, I -AM- strange. But I see the deeper meaning of it now, so many years later.

Something else I've learned, something I've been learning my entire life, is that if I have enough time to bitch about something, then I have enough time to do something about it. I've had my ups and downs. What I've never really been able to admit is that they're mostly my own fault. Maybe I wouldn't be diabetic if I had taken care of myself, maybe I would have a super awesome career right now if I had finished ITT Tech, maybe I wouldn't have had to settle for ITT Tech if I hadn't been such a derp in high school, and maybe I wouldn't have been such a derp in high school if I hadn't let others' expectations weigh me down into apathy. All those past things don't matter anymore, but they're examples of choices I made that've had dire consequences on the my life. I could spend as much time as I want being depressed and bitching about it -- and trust me I have -- but there's really only one solution; do something about it.

Do you hear that, people who make excuses for everything? Man up and do something about it.

Do you hear that, passive-aggressive bitches? Grow a spine.

Do you hear that, people who love to play the victims? Stop living on the pity of others.

Do you hear what I'm saying? Do something about it.

But of all the things I have learned and taken in, one truth has been harder to understand than others for me. That truth is that most people are not very empathetic. It's a true shame, because if most people could, for even a brief moment, capture the experience of others in order to garner just a little wisdom about it, not only would individual lives benefit, but the entire world itself wouldn't face many of the problems it does. But unfortunately all we can do, those of us who can see the world through glasses labeled "Everyone Else's", is simply accept that there are only a few of us in the world and that's really all there is to it.

Though I realize everything I've just written, it is easier said than done. I fail. I fall back into old habits. I make choices I know I shouldn't make. The problem isn't failing. There's nothing wrong with failing. There's nothing wrong with BEING WRONG. To me, there are only two real sins we can inflict upon ourselves.

1) Not learning from our mistakes.
In ever story, every movie, every book and video game and anime, there is a lesson to be learned. Real life is the same way. Learn from fucking up. It's something we are all so very good at.

2) Giving up on yourself.
Losing faith in yourself is the only way to truly lose. It's so easy to give in to that sweet apathy and indifference when you've lost. It's frighteningly easy.  But the only difference between those who "make it" and those who "didn't make it" is the ability to brush yourself off and do it again.

"Stand up and walk. Keep moving forward. You've got two good legs. So get up and use them. You're strong enough to make your own path." - Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist